The flipped switch

I have been suffering from anxiety and major panic attacks lately. It started about a month before my wedding when the final planning and the wait to make sure everything came together was going on. I thought that it would pass and that I would get over it as soon as all the wedding stress was over... well not so much I saw my doctor before the wedding they gave me something to get me through the next month and then I had a follow up. It didn't go away she said because of my age and the stress a switch may have been flipped and I may have anxiety now, and they put me on a maintenance medication which I stink at taking anything everyday I have tried with vitamins and I have tried "the pill" and I have tried even with antibiotics when I was sick I am awful at this.
Well stupid me hasn't been taking it and yesterday I had the WORST panic attack ever it lasted hours and at one point it was so awful I was shaking and crying, felt like I couldn't breath.

I am posting to see if anyone else out there has them and what they do is there a good way to control them or if you are having one any techniques to calm yourself down so that you don't make it worse or have it last damn near all day.

I never realized how big a deal this was I have heard people say they had panic attacks and I thought they meant normal freak outs, that they couldn't handle stress well but this is crazy you can't control and it you feel like you are having a freaking heart attack.

2 Rants 1 Post

The first is work related: I am a payroll service rep and I get official and legal documents faxed to me all day long and I can't for the life of me understand why 3/4 of the time peopel write illegibley on these things. No I can not pay you unless I have a fully completed legible I9! The government has said so and I like my job and refuse to lose it over you now fill the form out RIGHT and so that I can read it!

Ok better now rant #2 and I know some of you will feel the same way I do. I LOVE craigslist one of my absolute favorite websites, who doesn't but I have a problem as of late if you look under community and pets there are heap loads of people SELLING thier family pets. They got the dog 6 months or a year ago and figured out they can't take care of it so they are listing them as "rehoming" with a fee of 200 dollars or more??!!! I get it if you moved or have to move and can't keep the pet or due to an illness or allergy fine but don't sell your family pet check out the people you want to rehome it to, go to thier house and check out how they live, do they have pets if so are they licensed and do they have vet paperwork on thier animal chances are if they take care of thier pet they will take care of yours if they are willing to take it into their home. Anyone can come up with a couple hundred bucks if they want to are you really making sure that your pet goes to a good home if you take money for it ummmm NO! all you are doing is profitting off an animal you originally took into your home and said you would be resposible for. And the excuse that rescue shelters charge isn't ok to use they take these dogs in and give them the full vet treatment and spay or neuter them they ussually are a non profit business and have to pay the people who are working thier yes you probably took your dog to the vet but it was your dog and you are supposed to take care of your animal now you have decided you can't and want someone not only to open thier home to your animal and make it thiers but you want them to pay you, I have seen some charge upward of 500 or more that is not right. Don't get me wrong there are legit reasons to have to rehome the family pet and craigslist is a good resorce if you use it properly. We took in our big dog through this but I insisted on going to the house with our existing dog to make sure they got along, also to see where the dog was coming from and to understand why the family needed to find him a new home. I found out that he was well taken care of but because they had two bigger dogs he became timid and it wasn't good for him since we have gotten him he has come out of hi shell and he is a wonderful dog. And I am grateful for him I am always looking on petfinder (that is were we got sneakers) and craigslist because if it were up to me I would take all the animals in the world in of course it's not all up to me but I would never sell my pets there is a difference between selling and rehoming do a little research chances are your pet will be better off if you do.

She's Back

and I couldn't be happier! She came home Friday night and we all cuddled on the couch and just hung out. Saturday we had my friend's father's 50th birthday so the kids ran around and played in the pool, we got home about 6 and went in our pool for a while. Yesturday was spent in the house, Jman and my daughter made breakfast (chocolate chip pancakes) and then we did yard work and lounged in the pool. My daughter and I were able to have a great conversation while we were in the pool by ourselves. She is so happy to be home and was a little upset that she was really just left in front of the tv and the computer for most of the time she was down there, she isn't sure she wants to go down for winter vacation and thinks she would rather stay home with us and that was she can see her friends too. But she also said she doesn't want to hurt her father's feelings. I told her that I will back her either way and if she wants I will tell him she doesn't have too. She still wants to see him just not stay there. I am glad she feels that she can talk to me about these things and is comfortable enough with me. I want her to know that there never are any consequences when she is expressing her feelings because she has a right to those feelings.

Otherwise things are fantastic at home we are all healthy and happy!

Proud of myself

I drove to work today! I drove past the place where I was hit and I am ok, granted I white knuckled the steering wheel the whole was but I made it and I am ok.

I have to leave at 3 today to go and pick up my daughter from her father in Boston, I am not looking forward to the ride or seeing him he is being an idiot again. He has had her for a month and is giving me a hard time about bringing her back so now I have to drive down there and force him to hand her over or I will have to call the cops, I don't want to do that but I want my child back.

He comes and takes her maybe once every couple of months and thinks he is a model father so I told him he could take her for a month over the summer and see how it is when a child lives with them and he has to be responsible well I guess he doesn't. She is supposed to read 15 books this summer she has read 2 in the month she has been down there, she has told me she is watching a lot of tv and not really doing anything. I saw her last week she came to my cousin's birthday party and she has gained weight and is become sedentary. Now I am not saying that she needs to be on the run at all times but plopping your kid in front of the tv all day is not ok. I feel like he took his same commitment to parenting every two months to the time she has been down there, she is eating whatever she wants whenever, with no disipline or anything. Raising a child is not like raising a puppy, they need more than food and water and a walk. Kids need way more than that they need consistancy and rules, disipline as well as love, hell usually disipline that comes from love. They are to be guided not by cartoon network but by the adults in their lives we are there role models and if you are saying it is ok to sit on the couch and watch Cartoons while eating cheese dootles you are sending the wrond message. I am not saying it's not ok ever but it is not ok everyday.

As parents there is an ever increasing struggle to keep our children on a healthy path. When we were kids there was less sedentary activities. Nintendo was just coming out and MTV was a baby network and cartoons were something that were on channel 5 on sunday mornings. Now a days there's 4 cartoon channels 24/7, several different video game consoles, the computer, the internet, and MTV 1 and 2 vh1 and a lot of other facters. Parents have to be vigilant at this point children are growing up too fast, obiesity is on the rise. There is so much to protect your child from hell even at the end of the ner Harry Potter book the word Bitch appears and that's a childrens book.

I am just unhappy with his level of viligence when it comes to my child. I am concerned that she is being neglected not in the I am going to call DSS way but in the she is a tv potato all of a sudden, this child has always been active and a reader and I am disapointed in the way he choose to spend this summer. Yes they had good times they went camping twice and had fun but I wanted more that jsut material good times to come out of this I wanted both of them to get something out of this and all that happened was more of the same old.

Driving

I was on my way to work today driving on the highway going 60 MPH not on the highway for 5 minutes when I was hit in the rear left. I pulled to the side and called the police. When he finally got there (20 minutes later) he takes my side down and then goes to talk to the other lady (idiot) who apparentley said that I swerved into her lane and hit the front of her car ummmm NO i was in the right lane and she was merging into mine except she merged into the back of my car!! He says well did you see her before she hit you ummm no I generally don't drive around looking backwards! He in the end decided to write both sides down and let our insurance fight it out.

Meanwhile I was hit going 60 MPH!! I am a little wait no A LOT freaked out by this I was shaking when I pulled over poor Jman had to come and follow me home which I cried practically the whole way I didn't go to work because I don't want to drive there I have to go tomorrow but I am terrified to drive.

Hopefully by chilling out today and getting a good night sleep will help.

How do you get past this stuff I suppose I will have to just suck it up