Bad Dreams and neglect

Last night I had a horrible dream. It started out ok Jman and I were at a party at a friend's house. We were having a good time mingling and talking with friends. I was sitting with a friend of mine and his boyfriend (it was Luke duke and some other guy?) and Luke was saying how he and his partner wanted to have a baby they just needed a surrogate we were talking for a while about this and I ended up offering to be the surrogate after this conversation I was walking around the party and looking for Jman. I went into a bunch of rooms but couldn't find him, finally I found him in a bedroom with another girl. Next thing I know I am at my house and Jman comes in with his parents and starts packing his stuff, he was leaving me and moving back home. I am in my living room crying trying to get him to talk to me and his mother is yelling at me saying I ruined her son's life. They are talking about the coffee maker and whether or not it is his or mine and we start arguing over that. His dad is more sympathetic I am saying how am I going to afford the bills on my own and he says that can't I swing it and I explain that I could but things would be really tight. I then go into my bedroom where Jman is and try talking to him but he is watching cartoons and I am crying saying that how could he do this we were going to get married and he was the one who cheated, we are arguing and all of a sudden I look up and I am arguing with him but he is a three year old child ...


this is when my alarm went off but I woke up with the horrible feeling and a whopper of a headache!



On other news we had a very tough night last night his kids were over and we have been keeping a close eye on there condition when they arrive. His daughter has been coming in no sox or shoes, filthy and with pretty bad diaper rashes. His son is allowed to rome the neighborhood, is filthy and smelly all the time. I went to change the baby last night and she not only had a horrible diaper rash but it spread down her thighs and looked like burn marks. I have been making Jman take pictures when the kids come like this, for documentation he is going back to court to get custody. Their mother suffers from depression and wasn't raised much better.

I feel awful for these kids, I just don't believe kids should have to put up with neglect. As a parent I know I decided to have my children I picked them they didn't pick me so I know I have a responsibility to them to raise them the best I can. I watched Jman cry for the first time last night over this. He was going to take the baby to the hospital but called the police to make sure he could he was told that he could but if he dropped them off after the court ordered time he would be in violation and it could be considered kidnapping, so inevitably he could do nothing. So she can continue to neglect these children and there isn't much he can do. He was told he could call DSS in the morning but other than that there is nothing that can be done.

I have a feeling I will be in for plenty more tough nights to come as this plays out and a lot more bad dreams.