HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

XOXO

passing the time

Part 1: The Birth of You

Were you a planned baby?:
i think so

Were you the first?:
yup

Who was present at your birth?:
My parents I would think a doctor or two and anesthysiologist couple nurses!

Were your parents married when you were born?:
yes

What is your birthdate?
Feb 18

Part 2: The Family

Are you parents married or divorced?
divorced

An only child?:
for my mom yes
for my dad I have two little bro's

If you have siblings are you oldest, middle, or youngest?:
Oldest

What are your sibling's names?:
Sean and Riley (no we aren't irish!)

Which parent do you get along with best?:
my mom and I were best friends

What do you fight about?
my dad doesn't see me as an adult still

Do you have step parents?:
yes

Part 3: The Friends

Do you have more than one best friend?
yes one from adulthood and one from my childhood and then there's always Jman

What do you like to do when you are together?
depends who i'm with

Do you share the same interests?:
absolutley and the same sense of humor

Which friend can you tell anything to?:
Sher

Part 4: Your Personality

How high/low is your self esteem?:
high I think I am a confident person

Do you get depressed about things easily?:
not really but I hold stress in and that's no good I end up with medical issues when I do that

Are you an extrovert (outgoing) or an introvert (reserved)?:
I am definatly outgoing

Are you happy?:
almost always

Do you live life to the fullest?:
I think so I am not jumping off buildings for kicks but I enjoy my life

Part 5: Appearance

Are you comfortable with the way you look?
yup

Describe your hair?
right now it's brown and in a ponytail I either let it dry curly (and it becomes afroish) or straighten it but that takes forever!

How do you dress?
depends on what the occasion is I love clothes and accessories so could be anything

Part 6: The Past

Were you a strange child?:
i don't think so but I was always funny

What did you used to love that you no longer do?
riding my bike

Do you have the same friends?:
some

Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing?
not really, I have grown from situations

Part 7: The Future

What is your ambition?:
to buy a house

Are you scared of growing old?:
sometimes I am more scared of my children growing up


Part 8: The Outdoors

Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?:
in the summer outdoors in the winter give me a blanket and the couch

Favorite Season:
summer

Do you like walking in the rain?:
when it's warm out

Part 9: Food

Are you a vegetarian?:
nope

What is your favorite food?:
comfort foods (baked mac n cheese, meatloaf and mashed tatters)

What food makes you want to gag?
salsbury steak

What is your favorite dessert?
cheese cake

What is your favorite restaurant?:
hmmm all depends

Are you a fussy eater?
not at all

Part 10: Relationships and Love

Are you single or taken?:
taken


Do you think love is the best feeling in the world?:
yes

Do you believe in love at first sight?:
that's up for debate I think you have to build off something like that

Part 11: Experiences

What was one of your greatest experiences:
graduating High school after my family thought I wouldn't


What was one of the worst?
losing my mother

Have you ever done drugs?
yup

Have you ever thought you were going to die?:
nope

New Shoes

These were delivered last night. I was so excited when the UPS man came a knockin on my door. There is nothing better when you get stuff in the mail.

We are headed out to dinner tonight with another couple and I am just excited to be wearing my new shoes.

Happy Friday!

Kid tidbit of the day

I punished my son from watching tv because he was up in the middle of the night earlier this week eating his birthday cake and watching TV

So yesturday morning Jman cought him in the living room watching TV before anyone got up

Jman: what are you doing your mom said no TV

Zay: Mom said no watching my TV this is the living room TV

OY VAE!! some days he is too smart for all of us!

This is for Syd!

Lust of Bust on Transbuddha

Poetry ... well kinda!

WOMEN'S POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.


MAN'S POEM


I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who
owns a liquor store and a golf course. This doesn't rhyme and I
don't give a shit.

Trying to Pass the Time ~ hmmm do you think I can keep this up for two weeks?

1. What is the middle name of the last person you slept with?
~Winston

2. What kind of underwear are you wearing and what color?
~Nada! (huh Maddie what about you? haha)

3. What is the song you want played at your funeral?
~I am not sure

13. How many drinks does it take to get you drunk?
~it all depends on the mood amount of food and what I am drinking

14. Where is your best friend?
~working

15. Hair color you like on someone you're dating?
~Dark

16. Would you rather be blind or deaf?
~I would rather not pick I think it would be asking for trouble

17. Do you have any special talents?
~I do but not too many I can share JUST KIDDING

18. Did you brush your teeth this morning?
~Of course!

19. Ever call for a booty call?
~guilty

21. First movie you can remember seeing as a kid?
~Sleeping Beauty at home but the first movie I went to see in the theaters was Satr Wars and Jaba the Hut was on screen I ran out of there screaming!

22. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?
~go the bathroom and let the dog out

23. Do you like horror or comedy?
~Comedy

24. Do you like to watch movies by yourself?
~depends

25. Guilty pleasure movie you will always watch if it's on?
~Dirty Dancing

26. Person you most wish you hadn't been with?
~Christopher

27. If you weren't straight, what person of the same sex would ou do?
~ummm I am not sure there are a couple hot celebrities but real people none at the moment

28. Where do you want to live when you are old?
~Somewhere I am happy

29. Who is the person you can count on most?
~Jman

30. If you could date any celebrity past or present,who would it be?
~Jake Gyllenhal but I used to have the BIGGEST crush on Christian Slater

31. Favorite drinking game?
~Quarters

Holloween is Coming

You scored as Jigsaw. You are Jigsaw. You dont enjoy killing people at all. You instead love to see how far people will go to live. However if it ends in a bloody death, you still sleep with a smile on your face.
You are intelligent, and know how to outwit just about anyone. And that spells bad news for anyone who falls into your games of death and torture.

Jigsaw		85%
Hannibal Lecter		60%
Buffalo Bill		60%
Pinhead		55%
Freddy Krueger		50%
Leatherface		45%
Captain Spaulding		45%
Candyman		40%
Michael Myers		30%
Jason Voorhees		10%

Which Horror Killer are You?
created with QuizFarm.com


I love the concept of scary movies and have tried several times but I usually can't watch them by myself or with the lights off and this guy scares the crap out of me!

Brain Break!

1. YOU HAVE 10 BUCKS AND NEED TO BUY SNACKS AT A GAS STATION. WHAT DO YOU GET?
Funny Bones a Diet Pepsi and maybe some of those mini muffins!

02. IF YOU WERE REINCARNATED AS SOME SORT OF SEA DWELLING CREATURE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?
Whale

03. WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE REDHEAD?
Sher

04. WHAT DO YOU ORDER WHEN YOU'RE AT AN IHOP?
pancakes bacon sausage homefries

05. LAST BOOK YOU READ?
mike mike and me it was ok, I don't read that much this time of year but come summer I devour the books

06. LAST TIME YOU GOT GAS?
Monday I filled the tank at 2.07 a gallon!

07. DESCRIBE YOUR FAVOURITE PAIR OF UNDERWEAR?
I have a pair I call my lucky underwear everytime I wear them something good happens but I don't wear them often I don't want them to loose there mojo

08. DESCRIBE THE LAST TIME YOU WERE INJURED?
When I tore my ACL in march

09. OF ALL YOUR FRIENDS, WITH WHOM WOULD YOU WANT TO BE STUCK IN A WELL?
hmmm prolly sher her and I have a blast no matter where we are

10. ROCK CONCERT, OR SYMPHONY?
Rock concert

11. WHAT IS THE WALLPAPER ON YOUR CELLPHONE?
My puppy

12. SODA
Diet Pepsi

13. FLAVOR OF PUDDING?
I like to mix chocolate and vanilla

14. WHAT TYPE OF SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
I have a white tank and a pink wrap sweater on

15. PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION?
Nothing right now but I am headed to the docs on friday to see about these headaches and migraines

16. IF YOU COULD USE ONLY ONE FORM OF TRANSPORTATION FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
how about a private plane?

17. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN BLOGGING?
about 8 months I started just as a way to get my thoughts out of my head

18. HOW MANY OTHER BLOGGERS HAVE YOU MET?
none

19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
third eye blind

20. MOST RECENT MOVIE YOU'VE WATCHED IN A THEATERS?
over the hedge at the drive in during the summer

21. IF YOU COULD INVENT ONE THING, WHAT WOULD IT BE? I would love to invent a rosie I hate housework!

22. NAME AN ACTOR/ACTRESS YOU'VE HAD THE HOTS FOR?
Jake Gyllenhal

23. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE CITY?
Boston

24. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF CAKE?
Cheese cake!

25. WHAT'S THE FIRST WORD THAT COMES TO MIND RIGHT NOW?
sleep

26. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM IN PERSON?
10 and a half years ago (wow it's a lot when you put it out there it doesn't feel like it was that long ago)

27. DO YOU READ OTHER PEOPLES BLOGS DAILY?
hehe yea I have some that I check first thing

28. WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT?
chicken pasta crock pot stuff (it was gross)

29. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN RESIDING IN THE CURRENT CITY YOU LIVE IN?
almost 3 months

30. DO YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY KNOW ABOUT YOUR BLOG?
some know I have one but don't read

31. WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU SAID OUTLOUD?
are the envelopes ready?

Why oh WHY!!

My boss isn't in and I want to give my notice!! Grrrrr I had the nerve up this morning and everything and now the chic isn't showing up! Lord help me if I suffer a coronary I will blog about it later!

Update: I gave my notice and I will have to train my boss to do parts of my job she doesn't know how to do and chances are I will not be retained for the two weeks notice. I do payroll and because of the confidentiality it is company policy to let the person forgo the notice.

I was nervous because I have been here a long time and this place has given me a great deal of training and opurtunity I was affraid of my bosses reaction everything is kosher now though!!

Top ten Halloween Costumes

The hottest Halloween costumes for men, women, boys and girls this year are:

1. Star Wars (Anakin and Amidala)

2. Scooby-Doo (Scooby, Shaggy, and the gang)

3. Spider-Man

4. Lilo and all the Disney princesses

5. Bob the Builder

6. Austin Powers (especially Foxxy Cleopatra from "Austin Powers in Goldmember")

7. SpongeBob SquarePants

8. Harry Potter

9. Superman

10. Classic monsters with Goth touches (Frankenstein, vampires and witches)

I got a witch and a ninja this year at home!

Goth Name

http://www.necroticobsession.com/gothname.html

I got cruel intentions!! haha sorry made me laugh!

I'm doing it like the Jefferson's

Movin on up!!

I got word last night that I have the job!! I went on an interview last week for a position up in Nashua and I recieved the call last night from my head hunter with an offer. I have accepted the offer and I am awaiting the written confirmation before giving my two weeks notice.

I am beyond excited the company looks like a great company to work for. They have excellent health benefits. It is only about a 30 minute ride where right now I am driving in traffic for about an hour and a half. This is the main reason for wanting to leave. I moved to NH about 3 months ago and have been looking and commuting since.

so today my word is WOOO HOOO!!


But I am nervous about giving my notice, I have a love hate thing with my boss if she is in a good mood she is awesome if not well then the only advice I have is HIDE!!

my layers

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE.
Birth date: 02/18/79
Current status: over the deep end
Eye colour: green
Hair colour: Brown
Righty or Lefty: lefty.
Zodiac Sign: aquarius / pisces

Layer Two: On The Inside
your fears: spiders and heights
Your weaknesses: my kids and jmans smell
Your perfect pizza: buffalo chic

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
Your thoughts first waking up: 5 more minutes
Your bedtime: between 9 and 11 depending on the mood
Your most missed memory: my mom she was so free

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: Diet Pepsi
McDonald's or Burger King: McD's
Single or group dates: Both
Adidas or Nike: Adidas
Lipton tea or Nestea: Lipton tea
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate.
Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Smoke: Yes
Curse: Fuck Yes.
Take a shower: everyday.
Have a crush: no I have love
Think you've been in love: Yep
School: No
Want to get married: yes
Believe in yourself: most times.
Think you're a health-freak: not at all

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Drank alcohol: Yes.
Gone to the mall: Yes.
Been on stage: yep
Eaten sushi: love it
Dyed your hair: Yes

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER?
Played a stripping game: Yes
Changed who you were to fit in: actually I don't think so I am and have always been me, I think I get this from mom she made it ok to be yourself

LAYER EIGHT: AGE YOU'RE HOPING TO.
Get married: next few years
Retire: as soon as possible!!

LAYER NINE: IN A GIRL/GUY.
Best eye colour: Brown.
Best hair colour: Brown.
Short or long hair: Short


LAYER TEN: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 minute ago: inputting hours
1 hour ago: payroll tally
4.5 hours ago: uploading payroll
1 month ago: who knows
1 year ago: just starting this position

LAYER ELEVEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I love: the way I feel these days
I feel: calm
I hate: no one
I miss: my mother at the strangest times ;)
I need: some extra sleep

Meme!

This came from Zanne and now it's floating around


1. Dated outside your race? Yep, and I have a halfy son who will be 7 tomorrow
2. Singing in the shower? no but I kick it hard core in the car :P
3. Spit in someone’s drink?no
4. Played with Barbies? no I was more of a cabbage patch type
5. Made someone cry? unfortunatley
6. Opened your Christmas presents early? No my mom was a good hider!
7. Lied to a friend? Yes, unfortunately
8. Watched and cried while watching a soap opera?Nope!
9. Played a computer game for more than 5 hours? no way but browsed blogger for that long
10. Ran through the sprinklers naked? hmmmm no but made naked snow angels!
11. Ate food that fell on the floor? yep!
12. Went outside naked? Yes (see answer to # 10)
13. Been on stage? yep
14. Been on stage naked or close to it? does a cheering uniform come close enough
15. Been in a parade? yep
16. Been in a school play? no
17. Drank beer? hell yea and now I want one
18. Gotten detention? Duh
19. Been on a cruise? No and I would love to Jman has a fear of boats
20. Broken into a house? my own
21. Gotten a tattoo? I have three!! A rose on my chest and a cow jumping over the moon in the middle of my back and my favorite is an angel with my mom's name under it and our numbers
22. Gotten piercings? I have had at one time or other my eyebrow, nose, the madonna peicing, the lower lip and both of my nipples and I still have my tongue belly button and ears
23. Gotten into a fist fight? 8th grade I punched a chic for calling me stuffy (let's just says I was "advanced")
24. Gotten into a shouting match? ummm yea my highschool boyfriend and I were famous for this
25. Swallowed sea/pool water? Yep
26. Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purpose? still do
27. Laughed so hard it hurt? Oh yes
28. Tripped on your own feet? I'm a natural blonde duh!!
29. Cried yourself to sleep? yes
30. Cried in public? Yep
31. Thrown up in public? no
32. Lied to your parents? Some times I still do my dad still treats me like a little girl
33. Skipped class? yeppers
34. Cried so hard you threw up? no
35. Had a one night stand? yes
36. Left restaurant without paying tab? yes in 9th grade bickfords
37. Been Fired from a job?nope
38. Wanted to make out with your massage therapist, therapist OR hairldresser? no
39. Had a drink "sent" to a stranger at a bar? I never sent on but I have brought one to the stranger hehe ;)
40. Been winked at and loved it? YES

Ricco .......................Suave'

The Suave Lover 36% partner focus, 57% aggressiveness, 50% adventurousness

Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that: You prefer your romance and love to be traditional rather than daring or out-of-the-ordinary, you would rather pursue than be pursued and, when it comes to physical love, you concentrate more on enjoying the experience rather than worrying about your performance. This places you in the Lover Style of: The Suave Lover. The Suave Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and is reminiscent of some of the most classic lover figures of all time, such as Casanova or Don Juan, or more recently James Bond (several of the "Bond girls" fit this type, too). This shouldn't be confused with a "player" or someone who is solely interested in physical love, but someone who is looking for an incredibly elusive thing: a worthy partner. The Suave Lover is a treasure to find, but can be incredibly difficult to hold on to, once found. In terms of physical love, the Suave Lover can sometimes be surprisingly tender. Given the right setting, and the right lover, the Suave Lover can be a delight in bed. Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Devoted Lover (most of all) or the Romantic Lover, or the Liberated Lover. Congratulations! If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback! Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in the following: Nerds, Geeks & Dorks Professional Wrestling Buffy the Vampire Slayer America/Politics Thanks Again! -- THE LOVER STYLE PROFILE TEST

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 3% on partner focus You scored higher than 61% on aggressiveness You scored higher than 37% on adventurousness

Link: The Lover Style Profile Test written by donathos on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

I'm a Peach!!

The Peach Random Gentle Love Master (RGLMf) Playful, kind, and well-loved, you are The Peach. For such a warm-hearted, generous person, you're surprisingly experienced in both love and sex. We credit your spontaneous side; you tend to live in the moment, and you don't get bogged down by inhibitions like most women your age. If you see something wonderful, you confidently embrace it. Your exact opposite: The Nymph Deliberate Brutal Sex Dreamer You are a fun flirt and an instant sweetheart, but our guess is you're becoming more selective about long-term love. It's getting tougher for you to become permanently attached; and a guy who's in a different place emotionally might misunderstand your early enthusiasm. You can wreck someone simply by enjoying him. Your ideal mate is adventurous and giving, like you. But not overly intense. DREAD: The False Messiah CONSIDER: The Loverboy, The Playboy, or The Boy Next Door Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. My profile name: Betty79

Hump day facts!

* In Ancient Greece, women would expose their genitals to ward of storms at sea.

* Mink's are the most highly sexed animals, intercourse lasts an average of eight hours and they ejaculate up to 260,000 sperm cells at a time.

* Casanova boasted that he made love to the same woman twelve times in one day.

* A man' penis can stay constantly erect , by applying camel's milk and honey, according to the "Kama Sutra".

* Most turkeys and giraffes are bisexual.

* An adult gorilla's penis is only two inches long.

* The chimpanzee holds the record for the quickest sexual intercourse session at an average of three seconds.

* Creative Cleopatra invented her own diaphragm from camel dung.

* The word "Pornography" comes from the Greek meaning "the writings of prostitutes".

* The penis of a dragonfly is shaped like a shovel and has the ability to scoop out a male rivals semen.

* .In ancient Greece and Rome, dildos were made out of animal horns, gold, silver ivory and glass.

* Sex education was first introduced into English schools in 1889.

* The Marquis de Sade was imprisoned by the request of his mother-in-law for "sex crimes".

* Both humans and fish share a common sexual practice - Fellatio, or Oral Sex.

* Both humans and porpoises have one social sex practice in common - group sex.

* Honking of car horns for a couple that just got married is an old superstition to insure great sex.

* Cleopatra inserted stones into her vagina to prevent her from getting pregnant.

* Dr. Kellogg introduced Kellogg's Corn Flakes in hopes that it would reduce masturbation.

* The sperm of a mouse is actually longer than the sperm of an elephant.

* Unfaithful wives were made to chase a chicken through town, naked in medieval France.

* The Black Widow spider eats her mate during or after sex.

* In Sambia, New Guinea males must perform ritualized homosexual acts until they reach adulthood.

* The Rhinoceros has a penis no less than two feet long.

* Napoleon's penis was sold to an American Urologist for $40,000

* The penguin only has one single orgasm in a year.

* Eating the heart of a male Partridge was the cure for impotence in ancient Babylon.

* A bull can inseminate 300 cows from one single ejaculation.

* When a Hawaiian woman wears a flower over her left ear, it means that she is not available

Only 112!! and this is for my full name!

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 112 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

No more whine, training bras, and 7 years

I haven't posted in a few days because I am trying not to whine or bitch about Jman's children. They are just so trying. There is a S load of anger there and I hate dealing with it. I hate bearing the brunt of it as well, and I know he is 8 and I don't fight or give in I ignore his tantrums and snide remarks but MAN DO I WANT TO GRAB HIM BY HIS SCRAWNY LITTLE KNECK AND ASK HIM WHO THE F HE THINKS HE IS!!

ok better!!

At this end of this weekend I was exhausted but there were still the daily things that needed to get done.

My lovley daughter has science project do this week and we had to head to wally world to pick up supplies for the model. While there we spent other money (what else is new) and I (watch out this one is SCARY) bought my daughter her first bra!! I was talking to her earlier in the week and noticed she was blossoming and you could tell through her shirt. I knew it was time to get her something but man when you are standing in the aisle and your only daughter is picking out her first bras and discussing this with you it make you want to cry!! I can't believe we are here already, when did we get here and how can I get back there.

In other news my BABY BOY is going to be 7 this friday, it just amazes me that 7 years ago this boy wasn't even out yet and now he is a running jumping noisey boy.

How time flies!

Have a fantastic Friday the 13th!!

My message to you!

I took this from Sassyfemme! and I love this!!

Aint that the truth!!

Love is a grave mentalillness.


Plato

When love calls to you, you follow.
The terrain is rough, yet you try to keep up.
When love embraces you, you soften.
Though at times the grip is crushing.
When love speaks, you listen.
Even when what is said destroys your spirit.
For as love builds you up; so it breaks you down.
It makes you stronger than the ancient redwood, yet weaker than a sapling.
Love, itÂ’s a motherfucker.

this was on Trista's blog and it got me to thinking about my current situations and the people I love and the circumstances. Then about the people I know and there love situations. It always amazes me the lengths we will go for love and tdifferentant ways we love.




My kids come to mind first. They way you fall in love with your child has always amazed me because you can't quite grasp it until you are a parent. The first time you lay eyes on your child in an instant you know that you would sacrificeice your world for thchild'slds happiness. I remember the first time each of my children were placed in my arms and the feeling that came over me. I remember beicompletelyley baffled by the idea of beicompletelytly in love with some one you just met. It was the only two times I have cried out happinessess. To me this is love in it's purest form, there are no conditions, no boundaries. You know that these children will break your heart, you will fight and things will be said over the course of a lifetime that are hurtful but you know that no matter what you will love this person for the rest of your life. You will fetheirier pain, heartbreak, joys and laughter and every minute will be worth it.



Next comes to mind Jman, my sweetheart. He is a wonderful man and I am a very lucky gal. But there are times I would love to ring his neck! But wihim im I feel more peaceful than I ever have before. He makes me laugh, makes me feel good. I love doing the normal things with him, cooking dinner can be an adventure when he is around. The world seems more alive when we are together. I was talking about the "situation" with my girlfriend last night and she said "what have you gotten yourself into" my answer is nothing more than what he has got himself into, he has taken on my children full time. His kids need us and what kind of person would I be if I turned my back. But again would I do this if I didn't love the man? Wouldinconveniencence my life like this, I don't know. I may not go to the end of the earth for Jman but I will do a lot more than I would for any other man in my life.



You can't have a future with out a past. I don't think I could recognize or value the relationship I have with Jman with out my past lovers. Each and every one of my past relationships have taught me. They have taught me patients, and self respect. I have learned that I don't have to loose me to be in a relationship. I have learned that if a man truly loves me he won't turn my life upside down just because it suites him. I have learned that wounds do heal and that I can survive I am strong. I have had lovers teach me that I am beautiful in my own way, a way that is truly unique to myself. I have had lovers teach me about my own temper and self control. I have been taught that growing up doesn't mean I have to be an adult all the time and that letting go isn't always giving up sometimes it's for the best.



Friendship I saved this for last because I believe it is one of the best loves you can have. I am lucky I have an amazing bunch of friends that have stuck by me through thick and thin. I couldn't ask for anymore. We share inside jokes, we cry on each others shoulders, we laugh until we cry. A significant other is great but no one could ever fill the shoes of my friends.

Bad Dreams and neglect

Last night I had a horrible dream. It started out ok Jman and I were at a party at a friend's house. We were having a good time mingling and talking with friends. I was sitting with a friend of mine and his boyfriend (it was Luke duke and some other guy?) and Luke was saying how he and his partner wanted to have a baby they just needed a surrogate we were talking for a while about this and I ended up offering to be the surrogate after this conversation I was walking around the party and looking for Jman. I went into a bunch of rooms but couldn't find him, finally I found him in a bedroom with another girl. Next thing I know I am at my house and Jman comes in with his parents and starts packing his stuff, he was leaving me and moving back home. I am in my living room crying trying to get him to talk to me and his mother is yelling at me saying I ruined her son's life. They are talking about the coffee maker and whether or not it is his or mine and we start arguing over that. His dad is more sympathetic I am saying how am I going to afford the bills on my own and he says that can't I swing it and I explain that I could but things would be really tight. I then go into my bedroom where Jman is and try talking to him but he is watching cartoons and I am crying saying that how could he do this we were going to get married and he was the one who cheated, we are arguing and all of a sudden I look up and I am arguing with him but he is a three year old child ...


this is when my alarm went off but I woke up with the horrible feeling and a whopper of a headache!



On other news we had a very tough night last night his kids were over and we have been keeping a close eye on there condition when they arrive. His daughter has been coming in no sox or shoes, filthy and with pretty bad diaper rashes. His son is allowed to rome the neighborhood, is filthy and smelly all the time. I went to change the baby last night and she not only had a horrible diaper rash but it spread down her thighs and looked like burn marks. I have been making Jman take pictures when the kids come like this, for documentation he is going back to court to get custody. Their mother suffers from depression and wasn't raised much better.

I feel awful for these kids, I just don't believe kids should have to put up with neglect. As a parent I know I decided to have my children I picked them they didn't pick me so I know I have a responsibility to them to raise them the best I can. I watched Jman cry for the first time last night over this. He was going to take the baby to the hospital but called the police to make sure he could he was told that he could but if he dropped them off after the court ordered time he would be in violation and it could be considered kidnapping, so inevitably he could do nothing. So she can continue to neglect these children and there isn't much he can do. He was told he could call DSS in the morning but other than that there is nothing that can be done.

I have a feeling I will be in for plenty more tough nights to come as this plays out and a lot more bad dreams.

Pet name??

I got this from Kelly and I thought it would be fun!

Exotic Dancer Name Is...

Trouble

Exotic Dancer Name Generator

Oh and sooo true!

Me and my little man!

I posted the celebrity look alikes thing but no pic so I thought I would do a little photo montage!

me


Little man and me


A few of my friends and I



My kids



Jman and I being very silly


And when I get a few of the new hair I will post!

Weekend! (warning a little bitching is probably coming)

What a loooooong weekend! Today I was glad to get to work, we had the little step monsters (jamns kids) this weekend. I am trying very hard to be sympathetic and understanding but by Sunday evening I wanted to run the little fucker over with my car!

OK let me back up to the beginning.

Friday evening there was a three car pile up on the route I take to get home from work, so I called Jman and told him he would have to pick up my kids and take them with him I will be late. This wasn't a problem for him, he grabbed them and went to get his kids and cash his check. He called me right after picking my kids up and was on the phone with me as his kids were getting into the car and I hear the 9 year old (from hence forth known as saitan's spawn) say (very loudly) why are they here?? Jman says because there mom wasn't home to pick them up. He answers "So" I tell Jman to let me go because it was just fustraiting me that this kids was already acting like this. I finish my rde home and no one is there when I get there so I clean a little and take the dog out. I am sitting in my living room and the door opens and you can here the stampede!

I greet everyone and give Jman a kiss and his son jumps right between us and starts vying for Dad's attention. (I don't play in I just go about my business) He then turns to me and says "look my dad gave me a dollar and he didn't give your kids anything" (again I bite my tongue) and say "well that was nice of your dad to give you that" I then go and start making dinner. He goes into my fridge (with out asking and yes my kids ask) and says "there is nothing to drink all you and my dad do is drink beer" WTF!!! I explane that beer isn't the only thing we drink but as adults we are allowed to have some beers if we feel like it and he could have water" I got "I don't like water" and he stomps off I made tuna helper for dinner and everyone ate with a few complaints but I ignored it. The rest of the night wasn't bad.

Saturday morning we woke up to his children barging into our room through the door closed. The 8 year old goes directley to the dogs crate and lets him out. This got me up and I told him we don't let sneakers out unless I say it's ok I got a whatever! he then starts playing with the dog so I get up and take the dog out. it's 7:30 I don't sleep late but this is not how I want to get up. I made Jman get up becuase my kids were still sleeping. All day saturday he fought with my kids and stomped around the house gave me attitude and dirty looks. (this is shit I don't take from my kids) I went and got my hair cut and colored (that's a whole other blog I haven't colored my hair in 3 years). I came home and Jman was ready to kill saitan's spawn so I said I would take ss and my daughter food shopping with me. (I think the coloring got to my head) I took them and all I heard out of SS was can I have, can I get, and I don't like that... finally I turned and said that he didn't have to like everything I bought because he doesn't eat at my table 7 days a week. I got a "thank god" I told him he could get a snack and he picked out something that was called gripz they were on sale 2 for 5 dollars or 3 dollars each so I told my daughter to grab a box and he immediatley says forget it! soI told my daughter to put it back they were on sale and he says fine! (ungrateful little shit!) I survive the food shopping and head back home.
We get home and get all the groceries in the house I put most away and Jman does the rest I hear a commotion in the kitchen and head in there SS is pissed because my kids were helping and Jman was singing with my son. He is stopping off and changing (he was wearing my sons clothes) into his dirty ones. (because that's gonna bother me) we all ignore it and continue on. Later he is still acting miffed and my daughter says "why are you so mad?" he answers "what do you care." and runs off. We get everyone to bed and the rest of the night we relax and watch tv.

Sunday we aren't woken up by the herd barging into our room but SS barged into the girls room and woke up the baby and my daughter in the process my daughter tells him to get out and he replies I am in here to see my sister and I can come in anytime I want (he is screaming this) I get up and tell him that, that is not the case that he can not just open a closed door it isn't his room and he doesn't have the right. the baby is screaming at this point because this is what woke her up. he then starts to scream at me that I can't keep him from his sister and that he didn't care what I said Jman is up now. And he tells SS that this isn't his room and everyone was sleeping and just because he was up he didn't need to wake everyone up. Nothing like a little morning screaming to get you going! Jman goes to make breakfast and my daughter asks if she can mix the eggs. Jman says that was fine as soon as SS sees this he throws a fit, he wanted to and so on and so on... my daughter just says fine here, and the answer is "forget I don't want to anymore"

The rest of the day it is more sighing stomping and dirty looks as well as the list of rediculously expensive things he wants for his birthday, an Ipod, a boom box, a portable dvd player, and on and on and on. (please I just got an Ipod) and everytime Jman said one present of another was inapropriate he would get angry.
We are getting ready to go visit Jman's parents and I am trying to drop the hint that I don't want to go I have no desire to be around him any longer and need some quiet time it was no good (he isn't the brightest bulb) we get in the car and immediatley there is fighting over sitting arangements I loose it at this point I say that if we can't get along and drop the attitudes we would go no where that my kids would go in thier rooms and Jman's would go home that I could not listen to one more second of any of it. they say ok and we go it wasn't bad but not great.

I went home with my kids while Jman was dropping his off I was drained, exhausted. I just don't know what to do he is a little monster and I don't want to be around him at this point. he is greedy and nasty and mean and grrrrrr. I am biting my tongue I know it must be hard for him.

OK thanks for letting me vent I feel a little better and at least I have two weeks until they come back over.